Protect Your Banana

I'm speachless.

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Wishflower

I was in a long foolish meeting today.

Then I come home to a "note from school" ('nuf said).

I had to go shoot something - before I went and shot someone.

So today, it was dandelions.

I like dandelions.

I hope you enjoy.

(I still want to shoot someone....)

I see now that the video is so small you can barely see the images, and forget about the text. Its prolly good you can't read the text, in as much as I pulled up a bunch of poems on dandelions and then forgot to site the sources.

Anyhoo, here is the text:

As I gently blew on a dandelion's seed,
I wished it your way and asked it to please
plant my heart in yours and let it grow free.

I wish I could grow like a dandelion,
from gold to thin white hair,
and be carried on a breeze
to the next yard.

There are 188 florets in a bloom,
which might seem a peculiar number,
but there are 188,000 square feet
in the perfectly proportioned Wal-Mart,
which allows for circulation
without getting lost.

Why should I mow these lovelies low,
Defying Sunshine's ray?
To bring them down the sun might frown,
And turn blue sky to gray.

I'll let their seeds fallow new weeds
And mow another day.
Resplay they should, the neighborhood.The Dandelions stay.

And the images large enough to actually see:

Gotta wonder why I even spent any time on the video ...

I Love Power Ballads, But I Love You More

Phil, I love you; but you have a problem, and its time to shine the harsh light of day on it.
Your obsession with the Time Life Soft Rock Collection commercial has become a problem.

Sweetie, I never wanted to "out" you in such a public way - but you have to get help.

Many a night I have laid in bed while you watch this addictive commercial, humming Air Supply, Chicago, and yes, Christopher Cross.

We need to Twelve Step this thing ...

1. Admitt you are powerless over Power Ballads and soft rock—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Come to believe that a Power greater than yourself can restore us to sanity.
3. Make a decision to turn your will and our lives over to the care of God

....


You can beat this thing.

As Eric Carmen put it so beautifully - "All by myself. I don't want to be all by myself"

Cream Cheese, My Muse (I'm on the edge today)

I'm sure none of us can forget the year I felt so inspired by cream cheese that I sculpted an igloo and penguins from cream cheese and olives.


After enduring years (YEARS) of ridicule, and having since been called "Serial Mom" (thanks Christine) I swore off the white stuff and vowed never to indulge my creative urges in soft cheeses again.

I had stayed on the wagon for many years; then I was faced with a great challenge "Special Snack Mom" for the letter U.

U!

Not B, C, or T.

No - U!


What is a "Special Snack Mom", it is an overwrought, tired, frantic woman who runs through the grocery store late at night grabbing ANY food item she thinks she can make into a snack - a snack that starts with the week's special letter.

In this case - U!

Hmmm... umbrella drinks ... no ... google foods that start with U ... these DON'T start with U! ... call smartest woman I know ... ahhh! Big shout out to Stacey at work, she hooked my up with the UFO idea.




So, peanut butter and banana bagels ... WAIT just a minute!
PEANUT ALLERGIES!
CURSES!

So we made UFO bagels with cream cheese, globe grapes for the middle, and Yogos for the lights. I must have spent $35 on the raw materials, 15 minutes with the kids in the instruction process, and then I think 19 of the 22 little darlings came up to tell me "I don't like cream cheeeeeeeese. I like peanut butter on my bagel". Me too, kid; me too! But unless we want "Special Snack Mom" to turn into "Special CPR Mom", we gotta stick to the cream cheese.

Next time, if I get the letter U, I sure as hell better get the letter F to go with it!

Ta-freakin-da, here it is:

Will somebody bring me an umbrella drink, damit! ?!


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Gimme One Reason To Stay Here and I'll Turn My Back Around

We've gotten a slow start on our drive down "what's left of my memory" lane...

The Year - 1996 (I think)

The City - Chicago

The Reason - New Years Eve (as if a reason is needed)

The Place - Cousin SheShe's pad and the Matchbox

The Song - Tracy Chapman's "Turn my Back Around"

The Drink - Cosmopolitans with lots of confectioners sugar; as well as Tab with vodka

The Suspects - Cousin SheShe, Cousin Brian, Dan, Babs, and me (and apparently some hairless chest creature Babs dug up)


(click on images to see larger)

Why Does Mommy Look Like Roy Orbison?

Why indeed!

I had my hair cut, got a new pair of sunglasses, and I am wearing black - I just caught my reflection in a window and I look like Roy Orbison.

Yesterday, I looked like Tyne Daly.; except I don't wear earrings. Which prolly makes Tyne a tad better looking then me.


























Tomorrow may be better.

I plan to wear brown.....

I HAVE HAD E NUF!

Babs has had "E Nuf" of Pat Sajack - and now I am ready to lose it over being told to tip toe around agressive fowl.
I am sick to death of accommodating every single solitary special interest that lifts its pathetic lazy head to whine about something. But now I am being instructed, by my site administrator, to accommodate the dirty, mean, and nasty Canada Goose!?!?

These are actual instructions we were given today:

Spring is nesting season for several pairs of Canada geese on our site. The gander's job during the nesting season is to defend the female, their nesting territory, and eggs, which could mean an aggressive attack on a perceived intruder.
Please be very cautious around nesting territories (many at building entrances or on roof tops) as there have been documented goose attacks on humans that have caused physical injury, usually occurring when the person trips over something trying to avoid the attack. According to the Ohio Department of Natural Resources, there are three steps one can take if a goose attacks:
1. Maintain direct eye contact and keep your chest and face pointed at the goose.
2. If the goose acts aggressively, calmly and slowly back away, watching for obstacles.
3. Maintain a neutral demeanor, i.e., do not act hostile or show fear.
If you have any questions or concerns regarding this matter, please contact Site Administration.

Here's an idea! Hows 'bout we shoot all those m'fer's and be done with it?

How 'bout the geese be instructed to maintain direct eye contact with my gun?

For gosh sakes! If these were wild dogs would we be given instructions for how to diminish the impact of a wild dog attack?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! We need immigration laws alright! All those miserable ilegal birds need to be sent home.

Clarifications, Caveats, and General Words of Caution

I mentioned in my last post that I intend to post photographic evidence of my misspent youth and that of my G's.


A few points to set your minds at ease

• A grand total of 2.5 people visit this blog monthly - so your exposure is low.


• I will present no images of events in which statutes of limitation are still a concern.


• I will not intentionally display any nudity - which leaves out most images of Lisa from '93-'95 "The Naked Years"


• You will see no images of narcotics, or other drug, use ... because there was none, of course


• I will show no coworkers faces - so the images cannot be used in personnel reviews
• If you do have hopes of running for office in the future, please send me a note and I will consider this as I draft my blog posts

A gentle word to my mother (not "werd to ur mutha"), my G's mothers, any husbands, or significant others: If you don't want to know, don't look.

Babs kept all the journals over the years, and it is my sincerest hope that she will share some with us. (Lisa, get the Niagara Falls story ready - its up next)

Without further ado, our 1996 trip to Amsterdam!

HELLO!

What exactly were you expecting?

Did ya even read what I wrote above?

And you still expected pictures?

Honey! Amsterdam taught us all "I've seen enough to know I've seen to much!".

That Was Neither Thunder Nor Lightening You Heard This weekend - BEWARE! The Vault Has Been Opened

I was inspired by a post by Babs to open the vault.

The closet where all the skeletons are kept.

The vault that houses all evidence of my misspent youth (I define youth loosely - say, between the ages of 14 and 35).

Because I knew, I KNEW!, that I still had the t-shirt we won at the SOM Sing Along.

It took a while - nearly an hour - to find it.

BUT FIND IT I DID!

BEHOLD!

(sorry for the poor quality scans)

As fun as it has been to share the t-shirt with you, I must remind you that the vault has been opened. Once opened, it can never be closed.

Grab your pearls girls, this week I intend to treat you to photographic evidence of your misspend youth and mine..... yes, the late 1990's.

It was a time for wigs, Tab, and lots of vodka ...

Phil decided to grow a mustache

I thought perhaps he should consider changing his hair as well.
Which style do you prefer?

How Many People Would Be In Love With Me?

see more funny graphs

You Gotta Get Piclens!

It is HANDS DOWN the single coolest UI for image viewing that I have EVER seen!!
It you frequent flickr, Goole Images, Yahoo Images, or any of the other image sites - you must get Piclens!!

Image Gallery of Baseball Shots

Click on image to go to gallery.
All the images are SOOC, I just didn't have time to run my usual PP on all of them.

Please to enjoy, the 2008 Aston Middletown Colts...

Go COLTS!

Sneak peek at images from our first every baseball game.

What Celebrities Would Look Like If They Lived In Delaware County

Thanks for sharing John!

Bridget Let Mommy Play With The Camera

You would think a girl so gorgeous would like to have her picture taken, right?